Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Drunk is a universal language darling
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
His nipple licking is glorious
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