i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize