The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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