Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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