Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
