So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
