if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
