where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
