yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
