it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
