Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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