i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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