How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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