If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
