i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You pole danced in your parka.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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