I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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