What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
