well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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