I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
