FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
