before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My vagina just clenched in fear
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
