Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
