PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
