I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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