When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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