it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
