I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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