You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
one two three fourrrrnication!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
