Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
