I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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