What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
4 words: hood of his car
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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