He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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