when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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