No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
