as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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