the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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