which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize