i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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