its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
