If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
