I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
