i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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