I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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