So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
