Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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