chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
