i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
are you so shy because you have an std?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
