I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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