the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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