I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
