I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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