So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
