i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
