Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
