That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
