you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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