I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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