Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
