Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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