would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
