you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm getting married
To pizza
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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