he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize