He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
