I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
