Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize