How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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