My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
