She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
