Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think your dad took our porno
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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