I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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