dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
