A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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