my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
