I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
