Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was born a porn star she said
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
