So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
